Anatomy Of A Sparking Memory.

I'm a wee skinny boy. No kidding. An Ordinary weight for one man will have me groaning and huffing. But that's fine right? Every body's different. For someone who's reached and passed their 2nd Decade of life, I appear closer to have just nudged my toe out from behind my first. After spending an hour in the Fort William library, surfing the net and discreetly picking my nose with my pinky, I met one of my newest mates; Chad, a Queenslander out the Library's front doors. Chatting away about our interests in the Internet Movie Database (IMDB), Boardshorts and our evolving opinion on the Scottish accent, we were slowly surrounded by one very large group of School children. We kept chatting, concluding that the 3rd Harry Potter film was the best, when unexpectedly Chad started laughing.
"What"? Said I, confused.
Chuckling as he spoke, "You blend in"!
Indeed I did.

I've had 2 separate coworkers say the same thing - "At first, I thought you were real young, but when you talk, I gather your alot more mature than your appearance lets on."

When my old mate, Luke Dockrill visited us on his long journey home, we went out for drinks at the Cappercallie. A Pub/ Club (apparently, all thats required to make the transition from a pub to a club these days, are applying window blinds, removing the pool table and changing the music to something thumpy and repetitive.). The barmaid regrettably re-framed from asking for my ID and as I was seated, I irritably watched 2 seperate employees skirter on some invisible boundary, juggling the idea on whether to approach me or not. It was partly amusing, I must admit; watching one woman, her eyes fixated on mine, lurch forwards, hesitate then resist as her mind and her body played out some internal struggle for control over her legs. To be honest, mostly it just infuriated me. If you want to ask me, then just ask me. Do it, then piss off and leave me alone. There I was trying to enjoy a drink and a laugh with 2 of my best friends, but I couldn't because I was instead, stalked by fat, ugly incompetent and indecisive barmaids.

At work the next day, having convinced myself that those barmaids were insignificant losers, free of distortions I pushed on (with a smile) and concluded to myself that I was being paranoid. I'd entangled myself in whatever concerned them that night. Breathing unneeded life into another self doubt of mine, I didn't look young and whats further they probably weren't even looking at me. At that point, I was hurled back into reality, recollecting my 'normal' disposition as a Bartender, I looked up and had the inkling that the person who know stood in front of me , who i know recognised as John Brown, the head chef had said.....something, what was it though, a Hello or something. Guessing that's what it was, I risked a rather flimsy Hello in return.
"What?" John Brown said, looking puzzled.
"Aah...Nothing. How can I help you?"
"Your one of the Australians, aren't you?"
"Yes I am, it seems like we're taking ov-"
"How old are you?" John Brown continued, cutting me off.
With a smile, as both of us knowingly knew where the conversation was headed, I replied, "Aah...Im 20, actually."
"Ho!" Half a laugh, half leering, "You look bloody 12!" And he said no more.

Reflecting on the previous night out, I concluded that perhaps I wasn't being paranoid at all. Make way for the twelve year old.

Brad, Chad, Brinn and Tristan have all been working out at Lochaber Leisure centre, which to me sounds like one of the most inaccurate names given to a Fitness clinic. Last time I exercised with weights, I pushed myself so hard I generally nearly poo-ed myself. Imagine 50 or more people, all exercising to the degree where they too reach that physical threshold where they are all on the verge of pooping themselves as well. Why then would a gym, where the majority of patrons come to over-exert themselves, pull muscles and dehydrate, call itself a 'Leisure Centre'?

Beats me.

Going back, the idea of putting on some weight, if that's possible for me, to appear a little older (and perhaps a little bit more irresistible) was always a half-hearted option. Making muscle requires consistent hard work, motivation and a £30 membership. 3 things I wasn't very good at supplying. But after beating my last ingrown toenail and caving in to the constant barrage of "When are you gonna come to they Gym Joel, you Pussy!" and "Buy a Membership, you dickhead"! 9 times a day. I went to check it out with the idea of perhaps receiving an initial fee-free workout. Handing the woman my expired Student I.D. card, I asked, "So whats the deal...just for the Gym and Sauna?"
"£8.50 or a Membership is £30."
"What! How long does a membership last?"
"A Month, unlimited visits." She replied.
"So basically, 4 individual visits will cost me more than a membership."
"Yes, exactly. Your better off with a membership."
Still surprised that an individual visit could cost so much, I continued...."Are you sure its £8.50, I mean, I have a friend who comes here for something like a Poun-"
Interrupting - "Yeah you'd really be bet-er off with a membership."
"I might be, but are you sure its that much, I mean, seems and awful lot for just one-"
"You'd be better off with a membership." She says again.
I paused. Attempting to give her one of my strongest snooty looks, that conveys something along the lines of You really shouldn't interrupt people, least of all me. And you shouldn't assume I'd be better off with a membership after only exchanging a dozen words with me. Your hair looks awful untamed and if I ever had children like you, I'd slap them with the spoon they eat from.

Needless to say she failed to completely read my expression.

People here talk about 2 things. Firstly, its the Weather, which is pointless because its always the same, and secondly 'Ben Nevis'. UK's largest mountain. Its been both mine and Brads intention to climb, ever since taking that first step off the bus [and into a puddle]. We talk about it at least twice a day and yet we still haven't really taken any steps to furthering our goal, except for going to the gym.

Work is grim. And I don't like talking about it. My stomach starts paining with butterfly's and thunderstorms at the thought. I could really cleverly tell you about work by not telling you about it. It goes a little something like this. Let me inform you that Ive worked in hospitality before, at a Restaurant back home [Relish by the River], and that it was run by a family with personality, a sense of humour, charisma a foundation of trust and openness. A place that generally didn't take things too seriously, a place that was what it was. Cherished for giving its customers value for money, time to dine, good music and atmosphere. Well, work at the Alexandra is it's complete opposite. Heck, its a hotel, it's a lot more than just a Restaurant. But mostly everything about it, (save some of the people,) is inversed. I have left Relish with good memory's and friends. Here in Fort William, Scotland I doubt I'll do much solemn reflection, that instills me with a calming warmth, unlike what Relish does.

Staff accommodation at The Alex consists of A) An Actual Hotel Room, B) A room in a Bungalow or C) A room the size of a School locker in the staff block. Fortuneatley, as we are both 2 of the newest recruits, we get a hotel room. Which makes it incredibly convenient for work. W can wake up 10 minutes before a shift, get ready and go. And we'll be fine. This morning, we gave ourselves 3 minutes for Breakfast before heading down, where we still weren't quick enough as all the Polish and Hungarian cleaners make for the hot breakfast like a pack of seagulls for a hot chip, scrambling over each other, sqawking and pooing all over the floor. (I'm just kidding.)

My Job hits both extremes, extremely quiet to flat out. One incredible Saturday night we were so busy we had 7 people in the bar (usually we have only 3) and at the end of the night, we were down £60 in the till. Usually this means big business. Being under by quite a vast sum, but as there were so many people in the bar that night, making so many mistakes, there's really no one to blame. However, Brad did inadvertently overhear the 2IC (who I would like to refer to from now on as Mr Humungo On a Power Trip or MHOPT) advising a coworker of mine to look out for anything suspicious. Funny thing, he never had that chat with me. This infuriates me. The suspicion that I may be stealing, and its very much the same for Brad, and all the other Australians. We've considered leaving.

The boss and his cohort, MHOPT, glide stiffly around the hotel, pointing and shaking the heads, prying and meddling in the most pathetic and trivial aspects of dress-ware (Bradley your tie is in-cor-rect. Ho ho ho.), routine and manner. They'd prefer to ignore you than acknowledge you. MHOPT's attitude in life is to command respect, but not to earn it. Which I found highly arrogant and obnoxious. Dont you?

Juxtaposing the boss's are the 3 other Australian boys. Tristan, a lone traveller and Sydney boy, versed in today's city-hip dress-ware, he consistently wears a smile that is largely attributed to some smart-ass comment he lets fly every 5 - 12 seconds. He approaches people with a tongue inexperienced with consequence, he says what most of us feel like saying - but don't. An Australian sense of humour that's (to his misfortune) lost in translation (but appreciated by Brad and I), he's gutsy, bumbling gullible, as tall as a gum tree and brilliant fun.
Brin and Chad are, like Brad and I, two warring best friends who live like a married couple. They nitpick, swear, 'have their quiet/ alone time' just like us, and who live on to do it all again the very next day, They're both freaks. Chad runs, Brin does the weights. Unless of course when Brin is running, then Chad does the weights. It must be a very balanced relationship - like nature. Pfft.

Chad's easy. He looks something like Chad Michael Murray. Tall, crew cut and fit. Brin looks like, well, not like Chad Michael Murray, which makes it also pretty easy. Tristan works as a Waiter, Brinn's a kitchen porter (dish pig) and Chad's a cleaner. Despite their different positions, each job carries with it a sense of great dislike. Like mine and like Brads.

Some Pictures...

Hey Guys, Still not much going on since the last post. Had a pretty big night last night, it was one of the girls birthday, so everyone went out and had drinks at the pub and then back for cocktails, the thought of which still makes me sick to think about them at the moment. I feel like crap this morning becuase i had to get up for work early after 3 hours sleep. But you get that i suppose, and i can't really phone work and say i am sick either, ,one downer about living AT work! I have another damn shift tonight too! Arrrggh i hate money!
I know Joely has a huge post coming so i won't make this one too long. Hope everyone back home is great!!!! So here are the pics:

"The Alex" - Where we are working! (The building on the left)

Joely after me and him downed way too much vodka (We can't really remember Tristan coming into our room and snapping the pics either ;) )

Lukey D and Joely - We finally got to see him!

Me and Joely Before Work... Stupid uniforms

The Grog Monster

Joely, Tristan and Luke midway through a drinking session, bogan style in our hotel room! (Guess who got stuck taking the photo!)

Fort William

Fort William Sunset on a good day...

Effies Place - Our home away from home for a week while the hotel was full

yeah...

haha me after too much vodka, and no thats not a rug under my arm ;)

Iron Bru is Scotlands national soft drink, its the only soft drink that out sells coke! Its not too bad either...

I stumbled accross this rare species of uglyanus water rat! Very Scary!

Fort William Again

And again...

And again...

My room in Effies House. Awesome!!!

Joely in his room at Effies

Ben Nevis...The Biggest mountain in the UK. Right behind Fort William too..

Ben Nevis again

Heeeelllloooo

The Elephant Cafe in Edinburgh. One of the Cafes where J.K Rowling started writing Harry Potter. Great Place!!!

Me trying to write Harry Potter number 8!

Castle Rock Hostel - Our Hostel in Edinburgh! One of the best ones we have stayed at..

First Day in our Hotel room...

And another one of Fort William...

Spider Pig, Spider pig, does what ever a spider pig does...

Hey Guys,
Again another appology for the lack of blog posting. Not much has really been happening.
Luke came and stayed with us for about 5 days which was aweosme! Had so much fun, it was great. Although we drank way to much alcohol and I have decided to have a weeks break from the toxic liquid ;) On the 2nd last night he was there he managed to get food poisioning, at first we thought it was due to too much alcohol, but it may have had something to do with the dogy chinese he ate the night before...silly boy.
We have been working heaps lately, today is my fith day straight of finishing work at about 11pm and getting up at 6:30am to the morning shift, although i have two days off tommorrow. THANK GOD!!
Me and Joely both can't wait to get travelling again, the town is great, but there is only so much that you can do in it, and i have found lately all me and the other aussies have been doing is going to the gym. Joel the little girl won't come, "I have an in grown toenail and its to sore, blah blah blah". Here is my little violin playing a tune for you mate...haha just kidding
Work is starting to get pretty bad, management sux and we are finding things are changing for the worst pretty quickly, but i suppose thats what you get when you work in Hospitality! And we keep thinking of the money and where we are heading next. All of the Aussie boys working there feel the same as well, and its so good they are there or otherwise i don't think we would be able to cope! Well there is my negative spin on things anyway :p
Havent had a chance to take to many more photos as the weather has been crap, but ill get some pics up on my days off in the next day or two.
Ummmm what else. We are still alive which is a bonus and we also have some Pounds in our UK bank accounts which is a luxury, no more currency conversions! woohoo! haha
Anyways guys thats about all I have time for. Missing every one back in Aus land!!
Lots of hugs and kisses
Braddy

Some Tid Bits.

Firstly, me and Brad polished off a bottle of Vodka last night. Then we went out and bought another one. (Real Bad Idea.)

As we were consuming the 2nd bottle, without warning my stomach's heaved and next thing I know Ive got vomit projectiles flying from one side of the room to the other.

Brad then started his shift at 7.

I started my shift at 10:30.

This afternoon, I discovered vomit in my shoe. Some on the wall. Alot on the carpet.

Tomorrow (Friday.) Luke Dockrill, old mate, brother from another mother, is arriving in Fort William for a number of days. We both extremely look forward to his arrival.

We're thinking of leaving this job around the 25th/ 26th of October.

And I'm thinking of coming home maybe a week early to adjust to the time difference. I miss home, and all the things that go with it, quite alot since Ive started working.

Brad has pushed back his flight. He is coming home July 17th 2008. Holy Shit huh?

SHAKKA - Ka - SHAKKA.

Both of us now deal with the Scottish public and its not the easiest accent in the world. Not as difficult say, as trying to understand the Irish, or the French but still reasonably difficult. You know when your sister or Aunt Stef tries telling you a story with her mouth full of spaghetti, and no-one understands whats she's saying, but you get the impression that whatever she's saying is funny, because pasta sauce is dribbling out of her nose, from the sparodic burts of giggles she's fighting. Its sort of like that.

Really, what am I saying? *Sigh*.
Im in the Bar, Brads in the Restuarant. We're actually enjoying what we're doing, but its a little depressing as the town is almost socially featureless, with almost no attractions save for the United Kingdoms largest mountain called Ben Nevis. The looming, bare plained Mountain, surfaced by wet shiny rocks, and small cascading waterfalls derives its name from a local passing River. This I was surprised to be told. Firstly i figured the name was derived from some bumbling explorer, but Ben in fact means large hill and the Nevis is just the local River or Valley.
With its steep hills and treacherous cliffs, the town has attracted some of the worlds most hardcore extreme Mountain Bike enthusiasts. And every year, Cyclists from around the world journey here to test their skills. Here is the place where they hold the qualifications for the 2008 Beijing games, so alot of people are taking it really seriously. So serious that no-ones been buying alcohol. So when the town expected a business boom in the alcohol trade, instead they've experienced a boom in overstaffing.

I cant complain, Im being paid to lean on a drink fridge.
Finding the job: Upon calling the Alexandra, we were very surprised by how enthusiastic (or desperate) they were to have us on board. Obviously frightened by the impending influx of cyclists and their accompanying support (such as friends, family) and just simply journeying tourists, they hauled us on board, threw us into our own departments and prepared themselves for the mad, crazy, money spending business that was about to take place.....I laugh because it didnt.

EXCEPT FOR ONE NIGHT!!!! We're the moon shone out - its pale rays of light turning people in groves, into malicous wolves seeking solace in alcoholic beverages. I lost an arm as I handed a pint to one deeply thirsty Scotsman. Brad lost a shoulder, he survived by applying pressure to the wound and then by applying band aids. Lots of band aids.

We started in the Hotel - as it was live-in accomodation, we were thrown into a room of minimal opulence, a view that aesthetically equates to the inside of a shoe box and then we were subsequently kicked out out of our work place and into the home of one of the bosses Mums. Her name was Effie, and she was wonderful. As Brad has already stated. She fed us. She washed our clothes. She made me lots and lots of tea and provided us with the best bedding we've experienced insofar. There for 6-8 days (cant recall) we were taxi-ed to and from work (quite often, seperately), at the Hotels expense.

One word to describe the staff would be "multicultural". South Africans, New Zealanders, Czech Republic-ans, Chinese, Hungarians and of course Australians. All the Aussie guys we've met, are (to quote one of them) all champions. Tonight, as we are now all situated back in the hotel are celebrating tonight by having a couple of pints.

I'm constantly impeded in most physical activities by my ingrown, infected toenail. I got back after work the other night and there was a red and yellowing stain in the fabric. The sock I stuck under Brads pillow, he moaned all night then informed me in the morning he experienced the most disturbing dreams. Funny that. (Nah Im just kidding.)

The Australian fellows here are all extremely cheeky and funny. Brinn and Chad, two mates who like us are travelling together, have told us of several of their slightly illegitimate doings and unethical behaviour. Chad, who cleans rooms will casually take one of the customers protein bars lying about the room. Stroll through the Supermarket eating a double serving of Sushi before deposting the packaging behind the shelf of chips. Some of it's really not that intelligent, and its caught themout once or twice, but it makes some of the best stories. Then theres Tristan, a lone traveller, and Brad's side-man in the restaurant. Them two talk and talk, laugh and scheme. We have this psuedo bullshitting competition going on, where we tell the other (with the help of other staff members) some obscure, random and ridiculous story in an attempt to trick them. 2 nights ago, I convinced Tristan, with the help of my Boss in the Bar (Brian) a waitress (Joanna) and Brad that a small meteorite crashed down by the lake sometime throughout the shift. He swallowed it hook line and sinker. Brad and I absoloutley pissed ourselves.

Fort William...

Hey Guys, its been a while since our last post, but thats because nothing has really happenend! We have been working for about a week now (i pulled of an 11.5 hour shift last night so im knackered) and its all going ok. Havent been paid yet but we havent had to spend any money which is a big relief on the bank accounts. Joely is working in the Bar and i am Waitoring and even though we have only been there for a week or so, me and Joely were left to run things for an hour or two yesterday which was interesting. So it was a case of how many pints can we drink in an hour? lol just kidding mum, i knew i could only handle 10 so i stopped at 9!
The weather has been crap here, we have had one sunny day, it was an "excellent day" according to the locals, even though it was cloudy for about half of it!
I cant remember what was said in the last post, but at the moment we are staying with a Scottish Lady in her home, cause the hotel is full, and it has been amazing! We get a full english breakfast every morning, including Black pudding once, which wasn't too bad, and we both have our own rooms in a beautiful english home. Its great having that homely feeling again!
havent taken that many more pics but ill try and upload some soon, maybe tommorrow...maybe...
Not alot else is really happening. Still havent gotten around to trying haggis or seeing the Loch Ness monster but hopefully that will come on a day off next week.
Alrighty well thats about it, hope everyone is great!
Love to everyone
Brad